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You may have seen the film City Slickers, where Billy Crystal goes to a cattle ranch in search of his smile. He meets Curly the crusty old cattleman who tells him that the secret of living is to find the ‘one thing’.

Curly dies before he can say what the ‘one thing’ is but Billy eventually works it out for himself and in doing so, finds his smile.

When times are changing fast and you appear to have no control, it is good to reflect on your one thing and, with it, find your smile.

This might help:

• What is one thing you must SEE in the next twelve months?

(Niagara falls? Your long-lost cousin? A bigger bank balance?)

• What is one thing you must HEAR in the next twelve months?
• What is one thing you must FEEL in the next twelve months?

(balancing on a skateboard? A nice hug? Etc. You get the idea…)

• What one thing must happen at work for so to satisfy you about where you are going?
• What one thing must happen in your closest relationship to satisfy you about where you are both going?

And finally

• When you know what your one thing is then what is one thing you can do to make it happen?

Yep,  this is just another way of focusing on what you want. Keep this in mind and you’ll find the next few months easier to deal with.

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Clearing Out Clutter – by Steve Andreas

(an elegant explanation of the power of moving towards what you want. Read more interesting articles from NLP Comprehensive.)

From time to time we all need to sort through an accumulation of things in order to make space for what we want to keep. However, many people have great difficulty doing this. Would you like to learn a ridiculously simple trick to make this easier?

When most people do this, they look through their closet full of clothes, the drawer full of socks, or the shelf full of books, and try to decide what they don’t want. While this seems very logical and straightforward, there are several reasons why it’s not the best way to accomplish the task. Imagine that you went to a grocery store to buy some food, and you focused on what you don’t want. Pause for a moment to imagine actually doing this in your mind, to find out what this way of shopping would be like for you… Doesn’t that seem a little backward?

Now imagine shopping the way you usually do it, by focusing on what you do want… Whether you have a list of things that you have already decided that you want, or whether you look around to see what appeals to you (or both), focusing on what you do want is much simpler and more direct. There are probably only a few things that you do want, and an immense number of things that you don’t want. If you focused on eliminating what you don’t want, it would take you longer, because there is so much more of it that you would have to process.

You have only a certain amount of attention; if you focused on what you don’t want, you have much less attention for what you do want, and you might even lose track of it altogether, which is what happens in paranoia. Perhaps most important, if you focused on what you don’t want, you will be having the feelings that go along with thinking of those things. Those feelings are much less pleasant than the ones you have when you think of what you do want.

Try this in you imagination. First think of a food you don’t want, …and then think of a food you do want… Which feels better? If you think of what you do want, you will feel better, and you are likely to keep on shopping. But if you are having the feelings that go with thinking of all those things that you don’t want, you are likely to stop soon, so that you can feel better!

So far I have written about what you do want and what you don’t want. But there is another category of stuff that is even larger than both of these put together; stuff that you don’t much care about one way or another – “Mister In-Between.”

When you focus your attention on what you do want, you ignore this along with all the stuff that you don’t want. To summarize, if you are deciding what to buy in a store, it makes a lot more sense to focus on what you do want than what you don’t want. It is also much simpler to do, because it is harder for us to process negations like “don’t” (“do not”).

Now let’s go back to the task of sorting through an accumulation to decide what you want to keep. All the factors I have discussed above are equally true when you want to sort through stuff. If you focus on what you don’t want, it will be more difficult, less direct, it will take longer, and it feels unpleasant, so you will probably soon give up and do something else – perhaps berating yourself for your sloppiness and “lack of willpower” or “lack of persistence.”

How can we apply the way that we naturally and efficiently acquire stuff to the task of discarding stuff? It’s absurdly simple: empty out that closet, drawer, or bookshelf completely and put everything that was in it somewhere else. Now imagine that this is stuff in a store, and you can select what you want from it – absolutely free!

Now look through it to decide what you want to keep, and discard the rest of it. There is an additional advantage to this way of sorting through stuff in order to simplify and streamline your surroundings. If you were successful in doing what most people do – focusing on what you don’t want, and discarding that, you would still have all the stuff that is meaningless to you – ‘Mister In-Between’.

But by selecting what you do want from that pile of stuff, all the “Mister In-Between” stuff remains in the pile for discard. If you are someone who likes to keep “in between” stuff around for a while in case it might become useful, put it in a box, and date it. If you haven’t looked at it after a given length of time – perhaps six months or a year – look through it quickly to be sure there is nothing you want to keep, and then dispose of it. Another little trick I use is to think of who would be happy to have the stuff that I’m discarding. Even though I don’t have a use for it, it might be important to someone else; the thought that someone else might appreciate it gives me additional pleasure at the thought of passing it on to someone else, making it even easier to let go of it.

This is only one specific application of the importance of focusing your attention on positive outcomes – what you do want, rather than what you don’t want and of living a life that works for you.

How do you maintain your muscle physique?
Will Smith said it’s much easier to stay in shape than to get in shape – which is especially true as you get older. I work out seven days a week. I’m also on the 16:8 diet – I eat for eight hours, then don’t eat for 16. Science shows that you burn fat at night, and by fasting you build lean muscle.

Read more: Hugh Jackman Interview

Want to be in shape? Then stay in shape. It’s one of the keys to knowing what you want.

Here’s the original quote from Will Smith:

So if you stay ready, you ain’t gotta get ready, and that is how I run my life. Just stay ready. Stay in shape and then you don’t have to rush to train before the movie starts. …And I’ll show you my abs later because I’m in shape. But that idea, if you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready.

Source: askmen.com

How do you stay ready?

luvi via Compfight

Sometimes, what stops me even thinking about what I want to do is the certain knowledge that I can’t do it.

Leaving aside the question of whether you can ever be sure of your own abilities until you have a go, film director Quentin Tarantino has some sage advice on dealing with this problem:

Quentin Tarantino: “Before I did my first movie I went to the Sundance Institute. You’re there for a few weeks and new directors or actors or writers that are professionals come in and they kind of mentor you. One of the people they assigned me was Terry Gilliam, who was at the height of his visionary reputation. And he really liked the script for Reservoir Dogs. He thought it was really cool. So he was really invigorated with the idea of helping me on the project.

I had never made a movie before. I have all these cool visuals in my mind and I think I can make a great movie but it is all theory until you do it. And I asked him: “…you have a vision and that specific vision is in each of your movies—how do you capture that?’ And [he] literally gave me some of the best advice I’d ever gotten, he said:

‘Quentin, you don’t really have to conjure up your vision. What you have to do is know what your vision is. And then you have to hire really talented people and it’s their job to create your vision. If you hire the right costume designer, you hire the right production designer, you hire the right cinematographer, [get the right] the props, you hire the right people who get what you’re trying to do and…explain it them. If you can articulate your vision and they’re talented, they will give you your vision.’ ”

If you want something but you think you can’t do it, this doesn’t stop you wanting it. Maybe what you should do is look for people who can help you make your vision happen.

They might be closer than you think.

luke chan via Compfight

Thinking is easy, acting is difficult, and to put one’s thoughts into action is the most difficult thing in the world.

Goethe

First, Know What You Want is about finding out what you want and about choosing to pursue it.

Last Wednesday night I was talking to a group about the difference between mood and desire, between following what you feel like and following what you truly want. When someone piped up:

“But it’s hard to do what you want rather than follow your feelings isn’t it?”

Yes, it is. You’re inside an animal body sending you information all the time through your feelings. You’re wandering around inside a body interested in short-term gains and it’s insistent about getting those needs met. Your body believes if you do something outside it will change how you feel. For example, if you put sugar in your mouth you will feel better. So your feelings will give a loud push to do something external to get more pleasure or avoid pain.

The other bit though, the bit that is you, the bit wandering around inside this animal body has a truer sense of what will benefit you. This is the part you are hoping to train so it’s voice becomes louder. This bit concentrates on what you really want. Sometimes to do this you have to disregard the chatter from your body.

Perhaps a personal example will help.

Saturday morning at 6.30am I’d dropped my youngest off at swim training and retired to my nearest office (i.e. McDonalds) for coffee and to do my morning pages. Black coffee in hand I wandered outside, lit a cigarette and stood in the rare sunshine (this is the UK) enjoying the first rush of caffeine and nicotine, notebook and pen on the table.

Then came the moment of choice, do I stand and sip in the sunshine? Light another one? Or go inside and write? My body was clear on the issue – warm sun on my face, coffee right temperature, first ciggie glorious. I should stay outside.

But I’ve met this impostor before. Capping my coffee I walked to the door and went inside. On the way, every part of my feelings and body cried out to stay, to smoke, to chill in the sun. Ignoring the noise I sat down and started writing.

This is a rare example of me choosing to go with what I really wanted. I’ve done it often enough to know the long-term benefits of writing morning pages outweigh the short-term gain of a moment in the sun. I know if I had stayed outside, time would run away, morning pages would remain unwritten and next time it would be even harder to resist. But I still had to fight to do it. And as usual, the fight stopped the second I picked up my pen.

Follow me for the rest of the day and I’m not so good, often choosing short-term pleasure over long-term gain. And that’s the point.

This stuff is hard. I’m not promising it will be easy if you decide to move in the direction of what you want. It might not. The resistance is strong sometimes.

Look into your own heart. Even though you’ve only read a few paragraphs into this article, unless I’m crazy, right now a still, small voice is piping up, telling you as it has 10 thousand times, the calling that is yours and yours alone. You know it. No one has to tell you. And unless I’m crazy, you’re no closer to taking action on it than you were yesterday or will be tomorrow. You think Resistance isn’t real? Resistance will bury you!

The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles

Yes, acting in favour of your true desire can be tough but if you want more of what you really want, it’s hard to see any other choice.

Here’s a longer thing I wrote on choosing desire over mood.

You might also enjoy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=–08M7JpLpl4

Malingering via Compfight

We’re drawn to what we find attractive. It fills our attention and directs our decisions and behavior. Now that you have turned your dreams and desires into achievable goals, you can make them so compelling that you will naturally be drawn toward them.

Remember to only use the following steps with goals you’ve fully taken through the Well-Formed Outcome questions because it’s possible to make unwise or impossible goals compelling. (Unrequited love and quixotic dreams are two examples.) There are better uses of your energy and this technology.

Take one high-priority goal from your list and begin by imagining the goal in your mind’s eye and seeing yourself having already achieved it.

If the goal isn’t already a movie, have it take the form of a movie now. Increase the size and brightness of these images, adding vivid colors and dimension. Notice the way this intensifies how attracted you feel to the goal.

Continue to increase the movie’s size, brightness, and color as long as the feelings of attraction are intensifying until they plateau; then hold them there. Add rich, exciting, upbeat music to your movie of the goal. Have the music become surround-sound so it’s coming from all directions. Hear strong, supportive, encouraging voices cheering you on to your future. Fully enjoy this mental movie and the associated feelings.

Having done one example thoroughly and experienced the effectiveness, you’ll easily be able to take any of your other goals through this same process at any time you desire.

P.S. Reprinted, with permission,  from the new Harper Morrow book NLP: The Essential Guide to Neuro-Linguistic Programming

In it you’ll find a lot of additional suggestions and more ways you can use this and the other tools.

Tambako The Jaguar via Compfight

Continuing with our series from the new Harper Morrow book NLP: The Essential Guide also available instantly for Kindle.

Review your original list of Don’t Have & Want and your new list of Don’t Have & Want. Compare these two lists and merge them according to your current priorities. You may want to arrange them in their new order.

Of course, as new items come into your awareness, feel free to add these to your list.

Now, pick one of your top-priority goals, and take it all the way through the Well-Formed Outcome Model using the worksheet below.

Well Formed Outcome Worksheet

What specifically do you want?
Describe your desired outcome or state in a positive sensory-based way that’s an appropriate chunk-size and addresses WHAT ELSE having or achieving your outcome will do for you (Meta-Outcomes).

How will you know when you’ve achieved what you want?
Determine if the “evidence”you’re focused on is appropriate and timely (soon and regular enough).

Under what circumstances, where, when and with whom, do you want to have this result?
Reflect on the context(s) in which you want to have this outcome and evaluate the ecology so you can consider how achieving this result may affect other areas, aspects, or people in your life.

What stops you from having your desired outcome already?
Identify and explore any feelings, thoughts, or circumstances that seem to inhibit movement toward your outcome.

What resources will you need to help you create what you want?
Determine what resources you ALREADY have that will help you (knowledge, money, connections, etc.). Consider additional resources you’ll need to move forward.

How are you going to get there?
Identify manageable steps to help achieve your result, consider multiple options to get where you want to go, and determine the FIRST step you’ll take.

Reprinted with permission from the new Harper Morrow book NLP: The Essential Guide also available instantly for Kindle. In it you’ll find a lot of additional suggestions and more ways you can use this and the other tools we’ve been sending you.

Hartwig HKD via Compfight

I spent time today with two clients on the verge of making big changes they’d been dreaming about.

We talked a lot about getting started, taking action, movement, and the hundreds of small details needed to make a big change. Most of all, though, we talked about fear.

As is often the case, when we looked at what could be done there were an armful of small actions within their grasp but still not done. And when we looked harder, what lay underneath the lack of action was fear.

Fear is the unspoken. Like the Uncle with bad breath or the Aunty who chews with her mouth open, fear is your awkward relative. The one you wish would go away. The one embarrassing you in the middle of something, shouting and waving on the edge of your awareness crying ‘Stop’, ‘Stop’.

And what you are waiting for is it to go away. You’re waiting for the day when you have enough of (something) that you don’t feel fear anymore. You’re waiting for that moment before you act.

And you’ve got it the wrong way round.

That moment isn’t coming. The fear fades after you move not before. You have to jump first.

Standing at the top of the cliff, before you jump, you are asking ‘What if…?’ questions:

• What if it doesn’t work?
• What if I get it wrong?
• What if they turn me down?
• What if I lose some money?

These are fear questions and they will leave you stuck.

Once you jump, you ask different questions, problem solving questions…

• How can I make it work?
• How can I get it right?
• How can I find new clients?
• How can I make some money?

All the while you stay in your head, scaring yourself, you will stop moving.

The only way to get what you want is to do it. You can’t think your way to what you want. You have to move your way to what you want.

When you feel scared the natural reaction is to hit the brake. What you actually need is to step on the gas.

Learn how:

Order Now: Amazon.co.uk

Order Now: Amazon.com

Brian via Compfight

I’ve been tackling my mum’s garden for the past few weeks. She’s 75 and not as mobile as she was. The garden is too large and kind of got away from her before anyone noticed what was happening.

One year it’s OK and then the next year, we took a closer look and it had turned into a neglected jungle — infested with weeds, collapsed borders and significant overgrowth in the wrong places. Both lawns had become a tribute to moss and this recent miserable wet winter has not helped at all.

So I pitched in. Me against the garden. And it’s occurred to me as I’ve got sweaty and scratched that’s it’s the perfect metaphor for any neglected practice or area of life. It’s not what I want and I’m going to have to work hard to get it how I want – just as with any other area of life.

Here’s what’s dawned on me so far:

• I prefer big showy gestures to hard sustained work

Being a hero is easy — cut down a tree and dump the logs, blitz weeds, wield a strimmer with gusto. What I’ve noticed in this project is my liking for these dramatic gestures over the kind of relentless attention to detail which it takes to turn a neglected garden round.

Oops. Where else am I like this? What else could do with nitty-gritty work after I’ve done all the easy bits?

• You can do a lot in 2 mins

Credit to my mother-in-law for this tip – she kept her own big garden under control for years. The secret is to pull a weed out everyday. It’s easy to give into despair when there is so much to do. It’s also easy pulling out weeds while you’re thinking about this.

• Mood doesn’t matter, action does

The garden gets better when I do something regardless of how I feel about it. The physical act of chopping and mowing and digging can happen whatever mood I’m in. Sometime your moods are a big help – “I feel like it”, sometimes they will try to stop you acting – “I don’t feel like it”. Keep moving seems to be the antidote. And once I start moving my mood seems to ‘catch up’ with my body and get with the programme.

• No garden can resist me

I saw Will Smith interviewed and talking about determination. “The only thing different about me is I’m not afraid to die on a treadmill … either you’re getting off first or I’m going to die” — watch for yourself here:

Weeds are a pesky nuisance and when you pull them up, other weeds see it as an invitation to join the party. In the end though they cannot win.

Easy to say, hard to remember when you’re in the trenches.

• Stop and clean your tools at the end

Stopping to clean your tools when you finish is important. It’s a good closing ritual to a piece of work. It lets your mind know it’s time to do something else. And when you come to the work again, you are ready. There are all the tools, lined up, clean and ready to go.

• Self sabotage is a literal weed

I’ve heard “Don’t bother, they’ll just come back”. And with that attitude they surely will. This one won’t though, nor will this one or this one or this one. And over time they will get weaker and weaker and weaker until they give up. Or I will.

• Gardens are an easy metaphor

So is golf or war or anything with built-in visual markers. That’s why they make good metaphors but, really, how much does what occurs to me while I’m digging apply to ‘knowledge work’ or projects which mostly take place in my head?

I’m not sure. Although it’s reminded me to make projects as visible as possible — so I can see progress and what needs doing. If you can see it, you can do it.

I suppose the final thing is obvious but worth repeating. To achieve any kind of big result you have to keep going. Hmm.

Back with an update in the very near future.