ecatoncheires via Compfight

This time of year sees the internet light up with advice on goals for the New Year. It’s exciting and encouraging to see so many people willing to share their thoughts and determined to change their lives. But it’s not the whole picture.

You see there’s a problem. Why, with so many books and guidance on goal setting, do so few people do it? With so much evidence that having firm goals can change your life for the better, why is there so little of it?

If there is something not done in your life or career it’s because you have one of two problems:

1. You know what you want but need a tool, technique, mindset or new approach to make it happen.
2. Or you don’t know what you want.

If you have the first problem you might well be an enthusiastic goal setter. You know what you want so your focus is all about getting and keeping going. You’ll consume sites full of advice and information for helping you achieve the changes you want.

If you have the second problem though, you’re stuck. You can’t get going because you don’t really know what you should be going for. In my experience this is a widespread problem. In fact, I’d go as far as saying that 95% of the people I meet cannot say clearly what they want to happen in the next meeting let alone this year.

All the evidence shows that people who know what they want are more likely to get what they want. After all, if you don’t know what you want, you will end up working for someone who does. Without your own agenda you will spend the best part of your energy delivering someone else’s agenda.

What also seems true is people who do manage to know what they want possess a kind of ‘inner compass’ allowing them to make decisions and change their circumstances to move nearer to it.

But what if you don’t know what you want or not enough to commit to any particular direction? When it comes to decisions your inner compass spins aimlessly. What else can you do?

Here’s a suggestion.

Hitch A Ride On Your Metaphor

Sometimes your inner compass wants to play hide and seek. It squirrels itself away somewhere cosy and to find it you’re going to have to sneak up from a new direction.

You can start by paying close attention to what you tell yourself, inside, and others, outside, about your situation.

You might say things like:

• I’m stuck
• I can’t see the way forward
• I feel all tangled up
• I’m conflicted
• I’ve got too many choices

Pay attention to this inner and outer talk. It is a real help to write the exact words down so you can see them, for words are magic and your description of the problem contains the solution. Consider the way you describe the problem and look for an equivalent metaphor. Like this:

If you cannot see the way forward then start cleaning windows, polish your monitor screen, clean your glasses and get your car windows crystal clear. Your car is powerful symbol of forward motion and the inside of the front windscreen rarely gets the attention it deserves.

If stuck then find other stuck things — hinges, drawers , etc., and oil them. Look around your life for things which are not yet in their final home. Move them to where they belong. Finish lots of those little jobs which you haven’t got around to for a while. It’s astonishing how often “I’m stuck” is a literal description of what I’m doing with my body — sat still, holding my breath, staring at a screen.

If you feel your life is a mess then find something to tidy. Recycle stuff, empty that drawer in the kitchen (you know the one). Clean it and put it back straight.

All tangled up? Look for other tangled things and untangle them. Weeding works very well here. Carrying old baggage from the past? Clean out the loft and garage — get rid of the old baggage from the past.

With a bit of imagination you can find a symbol to stand in for your situation. Work on the metaphor until it’s done then go back to the problem with fresh eyes.

Rebecca was a new mum facing a radical change in direction. Her partner had got a new job and it was going to give them less money but the chance to move out of the city. She not only wanted part-time work in the new location but to start on her long held dream of writing and illustrating children’s books. For the moment she was back at work but in the midst of all the upheaval she found herself temporarily the main breadwinner, torn between economic necessity and a burning desire to let her creative side loose.

We talked for a while about all of this and then I asked her to describe what she was wearing. She gestured to her dress. “This is my Greek Granny outfit.” She was in severe black dress, tight around the neck and stiff looking shoes. “Are those your true colours?” I asked. Talking about the contrast between her “true colours” and what she was wearing enabled us to unpick a bit more about her true feelings.

Sometimes your outside signals what’s going on inside. Sometimes the way you describe your situation contains all you need to know about how to resolve it. Rebecca had started unconsciously dressing for a funeral, hiding her true colours. On the surface she was excited by the challenges facing her but her unconscious was frantically signalling in the mirror that all was not well.

So have fun playing with your metaphors and let me know in the comments if it helps you. As to why this works — it’s nothing spooky or spiritual, it’s our old friends inertia and momentum.

Things stuck have a tendency to remain stuck (Inertia). Things moving have a tendency to remain moving (Momentum). Working with your metaphors helps you get from Inertia to Momentum without frightening your inner compass away. Once you are moving it’s much easier for your internal guidance system to whisper directions.