Where it all started

Diane often has the experience of being trapped in her house. She has no problem with getting to work and then getting back home to fix dinner but after dinner and on the weekend she finds herself sitting around the house, itching to get away, to do something. By the time she climbs into bed at night the itch is still there, and another day has been wasted in fretting and wondering why she doesn’t do something.

Greg’s love life is a series of relationships that seemed like good ideas at the time but invariably turned out to be dissatisfying. Soon he realizes that the relationship is over, but he seems unable to do anything about ending it. Instead, he remains tangled, wondering how he got into the mess in the first place.

Terry is an expert on why things went wrong. He has a job he hates, a run-down house he ignores, and a relationship with his wife that is a big disappointment to him. He ponders his situation often. Just ask him and he’ll explain why he’s in the fix he’s in. He can even tell you why he hasn’t been able to do anything about it during the last fifteen years. And, if pressed, he’ll concede that knowing why hasn’t made him any happier.

Diane, Greg, and Terry are stuck. It is not that they don’t have ample reason to “leave” where they are. It is just that they don’t know where to go. In fact, they don’t even know that they need to know where to go. As it is now, their fates and fortunes are decided by the intercession of chance and the world. If Diane gets out tonight it will probably be because someone thought to call her up and invite her out. If Greg gets out of his present relationship it will be because it turned so rancid it got up and walked off on its own. And if Terry gets into another line of work it will be because a friend offers him one.

Most of us have little trouble knowing what we don’t want. And a lot of our precious time and energy goes into figuring out “why” we have what we don’t want. It’s as though we have been dropped off at a crossroads in the middle of a wasteland, and we sit down by the road to ponder how it is that we got there.

Meanwhile, cars are whizzing by, heading off in various directions. If we’re lucky, maybe someone will decide to stop and offer us a lift. But will it be a lift to just another wasteland?

via NLP Essentials: The Outcome Frame.