José Manuel Ríos Valiente via Compfight
I’ve been reading Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking
It’s not always so easy, it turns out, to identify your core personal projects. And it can be especially tough for introverts, who have spent so much of their lives conforming to extroverted norms that by the time they choose a career, or calling, it feels perfectly normal to ignore their own preferences.
I love this. My big takeaway from the book is we need to be much kinder to our introverts. The way we design work and teams needs to account for the one-third (at least) of people who have an introverted preference. These folks can spend much of their life having to act out of character. And if you are an introvert then it’s OK to be much kinder to yourself and design a life which brings out your strengths. (There’s a quiz here if you’re not sure).
So, if we lean towards the introverted end of the scale, how do we identify our core personal projects or things which fit us best as a priority for our time and effort?
She has three suggestions:
First, think back to what you loved to do when you were a child. How did you answer the question of what you wanted to be when you grow up? The specific answer you gave may have been off the mark but the underlying impulse was not. If you wanted to be a fireman, what did a fireman mean to you? A good man who rescued people in distress? A daredevil? Or the simple pleasure of operating a truck? If you wanted to be a dancer, was it because you got to wear a costume or because you craved applause, or was it the pure joy of twirling around at lightning speed? You may have known more about who you were then, than you do now.
There is a good fit here with the exercise “Follow Your Joy”, the last one in the book. If you haven’t yet got your free Journal (look top right for the blue box) then grab it and you’ll find the “Follow Your Joy” worksheets at the back.
Susan Cain’s second suggestion:
Second, pay attention to the work you gravitate to. At my law firm I never once volunteered to take on an extra corporate legal assignment, but I did spend a lot of time doing pro bono work for a non-profit woman’s leadership organisation. I also sat on several law firm committees dedicated to mentoring, training, and personal development for young lawyers in the firm. Now, as you can probably tell from this book, I am not the committee type. But the goals of those committees lit me up, so that’s what I did.
What lights you up? Where are you at your most involved or passionate? What are those activities which cause time to disappear AND have you in a better frame of mind afterwards? Follow where the clues lead.
The one I like best is her third suggestion:
Finally, pay attention to what you envy. Jealousy is an ugly emotion, but it tells the truth. You mostly envy those who have what you desire. I met my own envy after some of my former law school classmates got together and compared notes on alumni career tracks. They spoke with admiration and, yes, jealousy, of a classmate who argued regularly before the Supreme Court. At first I felt critical. More power to that classmate! I thought, congratulating myself on my magnanimity. Then I realised that my largesse came cheap, because I didn’t aspire to argue a case before the Supreme Court, or to any of the other accolades of lawyering.
When I asked myself whom I did envy, the answer came back instantly – my college classmates who’d grown up to be writers or psychologists. Today I’m pursuing my own version of both those roles.
Mark McGuiness at Lateral Action has this to say on a similar theme:
When a hero inspires you, it’s because he or she embodies something of your own creative potential.
Or, less generously, when you are downright jealous of your hero and wish you had what they have, it’s like a big finger pointing to what your work is.
Steven Pressfield in Turning Pro: Tap Your Inner Power and Create Your Life’s Work
adds:
In my experience, when we project a quality or virtue onto another human being, we ourselves almost always already possess that quality, but we’re afraid to embrace (and to live) that truth.
Perhaps instead of asking What do I want? You ought to ask Who has something I’m jealous of? Again, a fertile source of clues about what your core personal projects could be.
Find out more about Susan Cain at The Power Of Introverts and take her quiz to help you understand your own preferences.
And there is lots more good stuff in Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking
