Hmm. What did I love this year?
Here in the UK it’s a few days until Christmas. Most people will finish on Friday 21st December and not return to work for a while. After Christmas comes January and a rash of articles musing on resolutions for the New Year.
Before all this hits you, can I recommend you spend some of your break time mulling over how things were in 2012 with one question in mind – what did you love this year?
Not what was OK or what you liked but what did you love? What brought you pleasure in 2012? Even the little things – a great conversation, a meeting which went well, something you made or achieved, someone you spent time with?
Among my (many) bad habits, I’ve noticed a tendency to wait until things get bad before changing them rather than making a positive choice to enjoy something better. This shows up in all sorts of ways – leaving my hair until it gets untidy before having a cut, waiting for my car to need cleaning instead of keeping it shiny and probably the most corrosive of all – putting up with far too many boring things instead of doing something else.
This habit of using discomfort to provoke a change is typical of someone with a strong “Away From” motivation. I’m motivated by moving away from unpleasantness instead of “Towards” pleasure. But here’s the real kicker. In a life where not very much is unpleasant enough to trigger movement, I can end up with lots of mediocre things hanging around for too long before I do something about them.
When you’re motivated by pain but live a pain-free life you can end up a bit stuck. You end up with a high tolerance for what is nothing more than OK. Which means a lot of time having mediocre experiences instead of great ones.
I’ve given up worrying about this or trying to change it. Simply being aware of this habit leads me to our question for today.
What did you love in 2012?
If you would like a great year in 2013 one place you could start is by doing more of what brought you pleasure in 2012. Here are some things on my list, what’s on yours?
- Walking in the sunshine
- Drawing
- The joy of being ultra well rehearsed for a talk which went brilliantly
- Writing
- Working with other creative people
- Spending time with my kids
Musing on a list like this leads me to two conclusions:
- I didn’t spend as much time as I could have on each thing. More time would have meant more pleasure.
- If I overdid some of these things they would stop bringing me pleasure. For example, although I would love to have spent more time drawing in 2012, too much would not be good.
You also need another list though – the mediocre list. This is a list of all the things neither too bad to change nor so good you want to do more of them.
What was mediocre or OK in 2012?
This is a list of lukewarm stuff. They are neither hot nor cold. And like a lukewarm bath, it’s not cold enough to leap out of nor hot enough to want it again. This is where you find the silt slowly building up to choke your river until one day you wake up and wonder “How the heck did I get here? Why not use 2013 to wake up now?
So now we have the beginning of what I want more of in 2013. Pick what brings pleasure and do them to the maximum point – not too little and not too much. Now when I’m thinking about ‘resolutions’ for the New Year I’m not thinking about things I’ve got to force on myself but things I’m looking forward to. And there’s a thought which warms my heart in the depth of winter.
For more on following your joy and how a Polar Bear can help see Part 4 – Step 12 in the book (from page 143). Get yours here:
