‘Why is it’ he asked, ‘that something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me?’
My belief is that it is all to do with permission. Cancer or HIV or even a bad accident not only wakes us up to the reality of the finiteness of life, it also gives us a sort of permission to live outside the cultural norms. We feel that our more eccentric behaviour, guided as it is by our authentic wanting instead of our conditioning, is suddenly excusable. ‘I know I’m not supposed to’ we say to an imaginary audience, ‘but cut me some slack. I have cancer insert illness/difficult life experience/etc. here’.
Of course, just because we have permission to do something does not necessarily mean that it is a worthwhile thing to do. Permission to treat yourself and others badly and do bad things does not mean that your life will improve by doing them.
But permission does open up new, wonderful possibilities for what we can do with our lives. And we don’t have to wait until we are ill to make use of them.
When you stop doing what you ‘should’ do and what you’re ‘supposed’ to do, the only way left to navigate is by what you want to do – and if you’re not used to allowing yourself to do what you want that can be a pretty scary prospect.
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