In your world there are people who know what they want. We call them charismatic because their amazing clarity beguiles and charms us. In a confused world, such single-minded focus is rare and alluring. They have a purpose, a clear plan and their own agenda. Unless you are the same, you will end up working for one of these people. Your First Decision
In fact it is so rare that we invented a word for it – Charisma – the root word means ‘favour’ or ‘grace’ and implies a divinely conferred power or talent. Steve Jobs untimely passing prompted a flood of articles about his genius, persuasive abilities and ‘reality distortion field’ but the word that comes up over and over again is charisma.
We make up words like charisma and genius as a way of coping with people who behave so differently that we cannot fit them in our world view. It is much easier to write them off as recipients of some kind of divine grace rather than accept the rebuke to our own behaviour and the changes that might mean. It’s always easier to worship than learn (perhaps an article for another time).
So just what lies at the root of charisma and could we have some of this for ourselves?
Let’s join Steve Jobs on stage at Apple’s World Wide Developer Conference back in 1997.
The crowd applauded this bout of honesty, and Mr. Jobs continued. “You look at the farm that’s been created with all these different animals going in different directions and it doesn’t add up. The total is less than the sum of the parts. We had to decide: what are the fundamental directions we’re going in?”
With the gauntlet thrown, Mr. Jobs headed into deeper, metaphysical territory. “The hardest thing is, when you think about focusing, focusing is saying, yes, no, “he said, walking backwards as his argument changed direction, his hands splayed out wide. “Focusing is about saying no. Focusing is about saying no,” he repeated, as scattered applause breaks out.
“You’ve got to say no, no, no and when you say no you piss off people…
… “Focus is about saying no. And the result of that focus is going to be some really great products. Where the total is much greater than the sum of the parts.”
Via Betabeat
What is charisma?
Undoubtedly it contains elements of charm, attractiveness, rapport skills and crowd psychology but at it’s heart it comes down to two or three things:
1. A clear vision, a firm opinion or view and a decided direction.
Charismatics know what they want and they can (and do) articulate it clearly.
“I have opinions on most things,” he said, drawing a laugh from the crowd. “So I figured if you want to just start asking some questions, we’ll go to some good places.”
Think back to the last corporate type meeting you went to. Chances are you were in a roomful of people unable or unwilling to express a view about anything. This particular disease afflicts HR people, which is why so few of them have any charisma. Weasel words designed to avoid controversy or opinion spew out of these meetings, in reports and corporate literature. A river of nothingness, flowing from managers terrified that they might actually say something.
If you want to become more charismatic you need to know your own mind, know what you think on a given topic and be willing to express it clearly. This will be so shocking to the majority of people some of them will want to follow you. Lacking this kind of clarity themselves they are looking for a shepherd to lead them. Sometimes it’s as simple as saying “We’re going this way”.
2. The ability to get yourself to do what you said you would do.
Google ‘time management’ and ‘procrastination’ and your screen will fill with people whining about their inability to get themselves to keep a promise. Charismatics are able to shorten the distance between promising themselves they will do something and doing it. We stand in awe at those who can organise themselves to study hard, develop a career, keep in shape and move towards what they aim for.
Charismatics have a very small gap between what they say and what they do, again the reason why so few politicians have any real charisma – you simply cannot trust a single thing they say. If you say you are going to do something and you actually do it, it’s so refreshing people will take a second look at you.
I had a long conversation with a client last week that basically consisted of “I know that the best thing I can do for my mental health is to take a long walk everyday but it’s just so hard to get out of the door”. Hmm. Pathetic really (and I speak as an arch procrastinator).
The wider the gap between what you promise yourself and what you actually do the less charismatic you will be. If you want to become more charismatic then work on these two from today:
- Stop making promises you won’t keep. Say no to many more things. (Warning: this will piss people off).
- Make smaller promises and keep them. Only say yes to what you will actually do. And do it. (Warning: this will impress people).
Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’, and your ‘No’, ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. Jesus Christ
So, no more over promising. Start being the kind of person whose word we can trust. And this starts with being able to trust yourself. Every time you make a promise (“I’ll eat less sugar”) and fail to keep it you widen your personal credibility gap and any charisma you might have had drains away. If, on the other hand, people know that when you say “Yes” it means “Yes”, your charisma will start to grow.
Think about how silly that is. I mean, really, what place have we got to when such a simple thing – you promise something and it happens – is so rare, when you start doing it people will ascribe divine grace and favour to you? But they will.
3. The ability to get others to take action
Many people, particularly in corporate settings, function on a level indistinguishable from sheep. They cling to the herd for safety and rarely want to stick their neck out for fear of attracting attention. This means that they will often greet the arrival of a leader with a sigh of relief. If you show up with a strongly held opinion and the proven ability to keep your promises then many people will follow you anywhere.
This skill of knitting together groups of talent, showing them a clear lead and getting them to stick with you is Jobs under-sung talent, yet again it’s not a divine gift but a practised skill. You’re a leader when people follow you, simple as that. Learning how to do this is the joy of management.
If you want to become this kind of leader you could start by thinking about every management habit that has ruined your work in the past and doing the opposite. The rest you will figure out as you go along.
4. Become original
What is an original thinker? Someone who does not parrot a widely held opinion but seems to have a different take on things. Again, not necessarily a divine favour but a practised skill.
You become original by thinking from your origin. From you. From where you begin. There are lots of ways to practise this. One of my favourites is “Morning Pages” a process I explain in the book.
Another way to do it is spend less time passively absorbing TV and other media. All that noise makes it hard to think.
Just the other day, my family were all sitting having dinner when my youngest blurted out ‘Grandma is fat isn’t she?’ She’s six and she just blurted it out in the middle of everything else because it came into her head. You used to do this kind of thing but you don’t anymore, do you?
Your parents or some authority figure soon told you that it was not good to speak your thoughts. Of course, this makes sense. We’d have anarchy if everyone just said whatever they were thinking from moment to moment. Most relationships would not last long if this was the case.
It does have a downside though. If you are constantly shushing yourself, constantly telling yourself that you are not allowed to think or say a particular thought then after a while you lose contact with what you think. All of us have had the experience of adopting a bland persona at work. Unfortunately, in many places you soon learn that original thought is neither desired nor welcome. You are careful never to express a view in a meeting, never to hold a strong opinion. You see that convention and conformity are the keys to promotion. Again, after a few years of this, it can be hard to find any kind of originality or definite thought in you at all.
Charisma: The Dark Side
History is littered with charismatic people who were crystal clear about what they wanted and did great damage to everyone in the process. How do we avoid this on a smaller scale in our lives?
Asking the question is a good sign. Let’s see if we can clear it up.
Start with that history I mentioned. When we see clarity in others we often call that charisma and we venerate it because it seems so different from our personal experience of the world. People who know what they want appear to have answers that we don’t and so they often attract followers.
Sadly, history also shows that thousands of people were willing to follow charismatic individuals intent on causing harm. Why? Partly because most people are slightly passive and compliant, living with no clear agenda of their own. If you act like a sheep it’s easy to abdicate decision-making to some shepherd who appears to have answers. It lets you off the hook for having to take any responsibility for your life and choices.
This is a strong argument for more people knowing their own mind and acting accordingly. If these habits were more widespread than charismatics intent on harm would find it less easy to find willing followers. Knowing what you want and being willing to act on it prevents you being swept away by others who may have a harmful agenda for you.
Charisma: How To Start
It starts with knowing your own mind. Perhaps not as easy as it might appear. Here are some tips:
- Take a breath or two and then decide what you want to achieve in the next 10 min. Then do it. Measure your success.
- Keep this up until you can keep a 10 min promise to yourself every time.
- Say no to more things than is comfortable this week. Say no to your partner, your children, your boss, your friends and your work colleagues.
- Say yes to something you really want to do. Then do it.
- Express an opinion about something at your next meeting. Note what happens.
- Download the “First Know Journal” (look top right) for some experiments to help you know more clearly what you want.
- And buy the book to learn how to find and follow your “Inner Compass”.
