Knowing what you want is a skill that takes practise
Why don’t we know what we want? Sometimes its simple. We just lack the practice, we have weak decision making muscles. If you’re an averagely nice person who never offends anyone, you probably just go with the flow. You generally get along with colleagues and friends. You don’t make a fuss because it’s easier not to and you probably look askance at people who do.
Because of this you are simply not used to deciding what you want and holding out for it. You rarely make that kind of decision. Your boss decides when you arrive at work and when you leave, how long your lunch should be and how much holiday you can have (and when). Your spouse organises your social life (and your socks). You fit in, watching the same TV, doing what others do. Even the way you dress or the kind of car you drive helps you to fit in and feel safe, not too different. Believe me, you lack practice in deciding what you want.
It’s no wonder, is it, that when it comes to the bigger issues in life we have no experience to fall back on. We’ve not practiced the skill enough to use it when we need it.
Hang on a minute though. I admit I might live on autopilot a bit but isn’t that just politeness? You can’t go around making a fuss about what you want the whole time, can you?
The Solution For Your Lack Of Practice
Let’s see. If we lack practice deciding what we want then the solution is pretty obvious. You have to practise. Think about a pianist doing scales or a footballer rehearsing moves. You have to go right back to the beginning, to the smallest parts of your life and practise deciding what you want. We’ll talk more about how to set up this practice later but why? Why is this so important?
All Those Broken Agreements Mean You’ve Lost Faith In Yourself
This lack of practice in making your own decisions gets compounded because you have been let down so many times. Imagine a friend of yours who keeps promising to meet you for lunch but never shows and worse, keeps coming up with the most lame excuses that you can hardly believe. My back was aching today, The cat was sick so I couldn’t come, I got distracted by this TV programme and before I knew it the time had gone. How would you feel about this person? Annoyed? Let down? That they weren’t a real friend?
Guess who you have been letting down? That’s right. Imagine a life littered with broken promises, full of intentions that never went anywhere and ideas that never got further than fantasy. Imagine that lot hanging round your neck. No wonder you feel confused. You’re feeling let down and probably slightly angry.
Lack of practice has deprived you of the skill of knowing what you want.
We’ll look at the second reason in a future post.
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